Cashier at Target's Story

Me and my son Trust were getting a few things at Target today. We got up to the check out area and I saw an older woman Cashier and something in my head said "Get in her line". I questioned the thought for a second because there were several other lines that were much shorter.. Reason told me, "pick the shorter line" but my gut (probably The Lord) told me to "go in the longer line where the woman was". So I chose the longer line :)

I love making small talk with people at the cash register and I commented how much I love the Dollar section because I found a lot of cute things to give to a family who just lost their baby in still birth. She commented how sweet it was to get the family presents and that it probably meant a lot to them in such a hard time. I told her how awesome of a family they were and that it stinks when bad things happen like that but that I understand how much you need hope in times like that. I went on to share that we named our son Trust because my pregnancy was really bad (and we almost lost him & me) but all we could do was trust God with his life and that God was with us and would bring us through. 

Her eyes filled with tears and she told me how cool that was. She then opened up to me and told me when she was younger, she was pregnant with twins and got in a car accident and lost one of the twins at 25 weeks. I just said "That must have been SO hard, I can't imagine..." She explained that her other baby had a heart defect and had open heart surgery at age 3 and that it was the toughest time of her life. I listened and we both watered up. Her pain was so evident, like it happened just yesterday. My heart broke.

After our talk (and she had rung up all of my items) she came around the counter and hugged me. We stood there hugging and crying together (the people behind us must have thought we were NUTS!).

Before I left I told her "But here is our hope, one day we will see our babies again! God Bless you and thank you for sharing your story with me!" She thanked me and me and my son Trust went on our way.

What a sacred moment in Target with that woman. Her sharing her story with me was so vulnerable and so sweet, I am so thankful for that moment and that I was able to validate her loss. (She kept saying "I was only 25 weeks so it isn't as bad as what most people have to go through.." I told her it is hard no matter how far along you are..)

I explained to Trust in the car what happened with the lady. I told him that she lost her baby in a car crash and that she was sad and we needed to pray for her. He immediately started praying a sweet and honest prayer. "Thank you Jesus for Lady.. Lost baby in crash, not feeling good, please help her." I added more to his prayer and Trust sat quiet for a moment in the back seat. He said "Aww lady sad.." I explained yes it is very sad and that we needed to keep praying for her whenever we thought about her. The rest of the day at random moments I heard "Thank you Jesus for Lady, lost baby in crash, She's feeling sad, help her Jesus."

I love having REAL moments like that with people and being able to talk about everything with my son Trust! I am learning and it is so cool to have Trust learn right along side of me too!

I shared the story with my husband Brett and told him that I love seeing the redemptive work of Jesus happen in our lives. Through all the trials and hard things that have happened, God is able to turn it all around and use it for good.

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20 <-- This is what I believe for my own life! Satan may have tried to harm me, but God IS using it for good. My suffering wasn't for no reason!! 

****Quick update on the Songs for Healing music project I'm working on! I am recording vocals on 2 songs this Friday. I am hoping to get some video up soon explaining the songs so look out for those coming soon :) 

Breaking the Silence

Did you know 1 in 4 women lose their babies in miscarriages?

When I was pregnant with my 1st baby I was clueless about miscarriage. I told everyone without shame I was pregnant and made plans, had hopes & dreams about what my baby would be like. My plans, hopes & dreams for my precious babe were abruptly haulted when I found out I was miscarrying on Easter Sunday 5 years ago. I was 12 weeks pregnant and my despair swallowed me whole.

I felt so alone....for a while.

Women from church, work, etc came to me with their stories about babies they themselves lost in a miscarriage. I was amazed. Why didn't I know??? Why hadn't someone told me???

 What I sense from many women about miscarriage is the shame of keeping silent, of lessening their grief because they hadn't carried their baby to term, because their loss wasn't as "big" as other people's loss. Most women don't even speak about their pregnancy until they are 12 weeks and "in the clear". I say BREAK THE SILENCE. The more people that know about your baby good or bad the more support you will have in the days ahead. Shout your baby's name from the rooftop if it helps. Your baby has worth no matter how small, he/she has a place in your heart and should be honored for even the short or long time you get to be with him/her.

I know this notion is Taboo in many circles.. It was to me for a while too. I changed my mind when I just couldn't contain my longing and sadness and grief. I wanted someone to know I had a daughter and I was PROUD. I even stood up on Mother's Day at my church right after I miscarried in March to make a statement to myself that I was a Mother. To validate my emotions & say I really was pregnant and really DO have a daughter waiting for me with Jesus when I go to heaven.

Did you know that in October 1988 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month?

 October 15th specifically is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. On this day women all around the world have memorial ceremonies and light candles for the babies that they have lost. Bringing validation to the life that was lost and a place for parents to grieve because most of the time with losses of babies, memorial services don't happen.

This year on October 15th I want to do a special memorial service at my church and invite anyone who wants to come remember their baby. I have some beautiful illustrations and things the parents can take with them to remember their baby and that their is hope.

Friends, I want you to know it's okay to talk about the baby you lost. Here is the cool thing I want to leave you with.. With Jesus, we don't have to just end at grief, loss & emptiness. With Jesus, the conquerer of death, we will one day meet our babies and all things will be as they should be. Amen.