Breaking the Silence

Did you know 1 in 4 women lose their babies in miscarriages?

When I was pregnant with my 1st baby I was clueless about miscarriage. I told everyone without shame I was pregnant and made plans, had hopes & dreams about what my baby would be like. My plans, hopes & dreams for my precious babe were abruptly haulted when I found out I was miscarrying on Easter Sunday 5 years ago. I was 12 weeks pregnant and my despair swallowed me whole.

I felt so alone....for a while.

Women from church, work, etc came to me with their stories about babies they themselves lost in a miscarriage. I was amazed. Why didn't I know??? Why hadn't someone told me???

 What I sense from many women about miscarriage is the shame of keeping silent, of lessening their grief because they hadn't carried their baby to term, because their loss wasn't as "big" as other people's loss. Most women don't even speak about their pregnancy until they are 12 weeks and "in the clear". I say BREAK THE SILENCE. The more people that know about your baby good or bad the more support you will have in the days ahead. Shout your baby's name from the rooftop if it helps. Your baby has worth no matter how small, he/she has a place in your heart and should be honored for even the short or long time you get to be with him/her.

I know this notion is Taboo in many circles.. It was to me for a while too. I changed my mind when I just couldn't contain my longing and sadness and grief. I wanted someone to know I had a daughter and I was PROUD. I even stood up on Mother's Day at my church right after I miscarried in March to make a statement to myself that I was a Mother. To validate my emotions & say I really was pregnant and really DO have a daughter waiting for me with Jesus when I go to heaven.

Did you know that in October 1988 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month?

 October 15th specifically is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. On this day women all around the world have memorial ceremonies and light candles for the babies that they have lost. Bringing validation to the life that was lost and a place for parents to grieve because most of the time with losses of babies, memorial services don't happen.

This year on October 15th I want to do a special memorial service at my church and invite anyone who wants to come remember their baby. I have some beautiful illustrations and things the parents can take with them to remember their baby and that their is hope.

Friends, I want you to know it's okay to talk about the baby you lost. Here is the cool thing I want to leave you with.. With Jesus, we don't have to just end at grief, loss & emptiness. With Jesus, the conquerer of death, we will one day meet our babies and all things will be as they should be. Amen.