Examples. (It helps to read these examples like you'd read a Gilmore Girls script, fast & funny)
my 9 month old Story woke up early from a nap & my hair was HALF STRAIGHTENED & I looked a bit like Albert Einstein on the right side of my head. My Albert Eistein geniusness kicked in by placing Story's Bumbo seat on the bathroom counter so she could look at her cute self in the mirror while I frantically finished the other side of my hair before she decided she's done looking at the pretty baby in the mirror & tried to alligator roll out of the Bumbo Seat. Luckily, I was 6 inches away & know the moment was going to happen, because I know her better than she knows herself. Here's some documentation of this cute chaotic moment. For real #momlife
Speaking of the Alligator roll.. Diaper changes aren't like how they teach you in the baby class in the hospital! I don't know if they know this or not, but the baby you take home from the hospital ACTUALLY MOVES. It's more like a sport (a little like wrestling) trying to get them to stay still long enough, to pin them down to get their diaper on, BEFORE they pee on the carpet. If they pee or get poop on the carpet, they "win the match". I've lost several times on the famous move, "the Aligator Roll". Many active babies know this move well, but my little go-getter has MASTERED the alligator roll. Right when you open up the diaper, if you don't have a toy in her hand or distract her with something shiny, she will roll over from her back to her tummy in t minus 2 seconds. Especially on longer clean ups like poops, GAME OVER. The Aligator Roll wins!
Another #momlife moment that will make you laugh & maybe cringe happens right after you've had your morning coffee & you gotta go to the bathroom. (You know what I'm talking about..) Anyways, so you feel the rumbly in the tumbly & have to take your little one with you so that she doesn't hurt herself or eat something while you are gone for 5 minutes. In those 5 minutes, several comedy sketch possibilities unfold before your eyes. Your babe pulls herself up on the tub & almost slips on the bath rug, starts flailing around & you catch her in the nick of time before she seriously hurts herself on the tub (how do babies make it through everyday & live?!?!). After that near catastrophe she locks onto this amazing toilet scrubbing contraption in behind the toilet & makes a crawling dash toward it. You are sitting there holding her face, her fingertips just out of reach of the beloved germ-covered trophy, she cries & whines & kicks because she wants it so bad. Then, something else amazing grabs her attention. Long, white, flowing toilet paper hanging from above.. She grabs a handful & goes to put it in her mouth, but You intercept it before she eats it. More crying (from her & almost from you because this feels like the hardest bathroom trip of your life). You go to pull up your pants & flush the toilet & she pulls herself up on the yucky, germy toilet, ready to touch the water, but you are too fast for her. You are a ninja. You know what she is thinking in that maniacal baby brain of hers. You go to wash your hands & hold all the drawers on the vanity shut with your left foot balancing on the other trying not to topple over because she is trying to open the drawers & nearly pinched her finders. You get done with all of that & realize she also went poop. [insert all the sad/frustrated/determined emoji faces]
Laundry is so funny also! -- Barricades. To fight the laundry battle & win, barricades are necessary. Before I knew my little princess was more like a dragon & wanted to take down my laundry towers, I folded laundry out in the open. Not anymore! I protect my laundry with any sort of barricade. If not, She'll tear up my piles in seconds & pull any carefully folded articles of clothing out of any accessible laundry basket.
Another entertaining moment in motherhood is the shopping trip to Target when you tell your little prince he can't have the 99 cent hot wheel car because he already has 500 (or so) at home that he doesn't play with. The negotiations start painlessly enough, with the occasional foot stop, huff & puff combo, then things start to escalate and he throws himself on the floor and cries because he "never gets anything". People around start to stare but you press through. You remind him about the 500 cars he has at home & he continues on saying "but I don't have THIS one". At the same moment the baby is melting down because you won't let her chew on the cart handle & a memory pops in your head. "Actually we do have that one at home!" Your little prince studies the car again, shrugs & says "oh" and puts it back like NOTHING CRAZY HAPPENED. You dodged a 99 cent bullet, this time.
These little professional mischief makers are my treasures. I joke at how hard menial tasks can be with my little rascals around, but I wouldn't want to trade it for anything! The wet, slobbery open mouthed kisses & the "mommy, I love you so much, you're the best mommy" make #momlife the #goodlife .
Moms, I salute you. This is no easy task raising human beings! It takes massive amounts of patience, extravagant love & can some days cost you your sanity. Remember on those sanity costing days, you are not alone. There are millions of other momma's defending their laundry towers & feel alone in the fight. You are remarkable for all you do, are & sacrifice to make sure those professional mischief makers grow to be less professional mischief makers & more productive adults!
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