HOME.

I had a dream a week ago with a meaning that absolutely floored me that I wanted to share with you! Amazing stuff..

here is the dream:

I was sitting in what seemed to be an abandoned greenhouse. The greenhouse was uncared for and the windows that usually cover the whole structure of a greenhouse were busted out and it was like I was sitting in a caged room. Outside was gloomily overcast and I was looking at myself with an orange flowerpot in hand, shoveling soil over a lily bulb. I was very sad-looking and another friend was there with me burying a flower of her own. We were talking about the babies we had lost to miscarriage and crying over our flowerpots.

Later in the dream my husband Brett came to me with a picture in hand. He realized I was feeling very sad and down and wanted to cheer me up so he showed me the picture and it was of a family we know with 4 teens. With their hands the teens spelled out HOME. When I saw the picture, joy and peace filled my heart that I couldn't explain.

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When I first woke up from the dream, I asked God "What does THAT mean?" and asked Him for clarity on what it meant. Sure enough, God answered my prayer in many ways that week!

I realized the day I had the dream was the day I found out I was pregnant with our daughter Lily, the baby we lost in a miscarriage 3 years ago. I mean WOAH. I was not even thinking about that at all and there I was in the dream PLANTING A LILY and talking with my friend about losing her. God is so sweet isn't He? HE definitely hasn't forgotten about the pain I have over losing Lily and that is just PRECIOUS to me that He would remind me of her through a dream!

The second part of the dream kind of escaped my understanding for a few days (I mean the first half's meaning was powerful enough!) but the meaning finally came full circle after listening to a sermon by Rich Nathan (the senior pastor at Vineyard Columbus). Rich was talking about how as Christians, we are foreigners or strangers in a strange land here on earth. We are not yet at our "home" because we are citizens of the Kingdom of God and are meant for heaven. That even if we live in the same house we've lived in since we were a child, we are not truly at HOME. Finally, the meaning clicked for me! Lily is HOME. She is safe, she is happy, she is in heaven with Jesus, she is at her true HOME, and it is much better than any home I could have given her here. That one day I will die and go HOME to meet Jesus and she will be there with Him ready to welcome me. This gives me GREAT HOPE.

There was also a song I heard by Bethany Dillon that says "I've always known this wasn't home, I've always known this wasn't home" that just hit the whole theme of HOME right out of the ballpark for me. It seems like everywhere I turn God is somehow revealing to me more about what Home really means.

One last thing. This whole "Lenten" Season (Season of Lent: Where you give up something to get closer to Jesus From ASH Wednesday to Easter, equaling 40 days total: I gave up TV) stuff has always been rough for me and Jesus knows that. The reason why is because we lost our baby on Easter Sunday, and it is a VERY hard time for me. It's like the 40 days are like 40 days in the wilderness of grief leading up to the day my baby was gone. It's crazy because it is almost exactly 40 days from the time I found out I was pregnant to the day I lost Lily. So in this time is a lot of reflection, remembering, and lots of praying to God to keep healing my wounds. I feel like every day I have kept the TV off and pressed into Jesus, He has shown me just another piece of the puzzle. I'm telling you, it is ONLY by the grace of God that I am doing so well with all of this! I have never been so excited about my relationship with Jesus because I am finally understanding how to really connect with Him. All because I turned the TV off and made time to listen!