The long awaited birth of Story Joy

This pregnancy has been one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Battling Hyperemesis Gravidarum (extreme nausea & vomiting), heart issues, sciatica, frequent hospital visits, dehydration, all while chasing around a preschooler & trying to maintain some sort of normal in my life, yeah hard!

Yet, even with all the pain & suffering I've endured, as my induction date got closer the anticipation & excitement of meeting our daughter sat in the forefront of my mind. I couldn't wait! She is what I'd been fighting for. 

We counted down the days, hours & minutes to meet our Story Joy & on Monday morning at 10:30am we headed to Riverside Hospital to get ready to be induced at 11am. 

Being induced was uncharted territory for me. In fact a "normal" delivery was like a foreign concept I couldn't even wrap my mind around. BUT I kept my mind positive & didn't dwell on the horrors that haunted my mind of my last delivery with my son, Trust. My husband on the other hand was quiet as a mouse on the drive. I asked him if he was ok & he was honest that he was scared & I told him I was scared too. We prayed & continued on in silence, listening to Mumford & Sons.

We arrived a few minutes early to the hospital & got all set up in our room & met our nurse Carlene, who would be our nurse the whole time, which set my mind at ease. She was an older lady who had been helping deliver babies for 25 years. She was just the person I needed in the room & was very kind & reassuring. I love that we chatted about life the whole time I was being checked in, it made what was ahead not be so much in the forefront of my mind.

My mom arrived shortly after I was hooked up to Antibiotics for Strep B (the bacteria that can be transferred to your baby during delivery) & around 12pm Carlene started the labor inducing drug Pitocin. My contractions were picking up & things were moving along & at 2pm they broke my water with what looked like a crochet needle (but was painless). 

My photographer friend Rachel came shortly after that & started snapping moments & we talked about adventures & marriage & it helped having good people with me distracting me from the pain. After they broke my water, my contractions went from achy to strong & fierce. We'd be talking & all of a sudden I'd grab my husband Brett's hand & grip it so tightly he'd lose circulation in it! Contractions are funny that way... You feel fine one minute, then the next you are climbing this mountain of intense pain. During those moments of contracting, I'd fix my eyes on the clock or a specific point in the room & almost blank out. 

My pain level was getting crazy & my contractions were VERY close together. The Pitocin was doing a fine job of ripening my cervix & moving things along!  As the next contraction came & went I asked Carlene, "ummm sooooo, when was the epidural thing gonna happen??" Shortly after that, around 4pm, the anesthesiologist came in & during a very strong contraction, gave me the epidural. 

The epidural helped in many ways. #1 it helped me relax & took away most of the pain during contractions & #2 it sped things along quicker than we were all ready for!!!! Here's where things get exciting...

At 5 o'clock my mom went down to the cafeteria to get everyone some food. (Except me of course) When she came back she had a box of Chinese food that was smelly & I immediately felt sick & said "you can't eat that in here!!" Shortly after that my contraction pain changed to crazy amounts of pressure that was painful & felt like I needed to push. I turned to the nurse & said "uh, I'm feeling very pressure-y... I think it's almost time!" Charlene was busy setting everything up for the delivery & stopped & called my doctor. To our surprise, my doctor was delivering another baby right down the hall, and at that point I was 10 cm dilated & I couldn't "hold it" anymore. Charlene coached me to pant & told me not to push & I grabbed my husband & moaned through the urge & pain of wanting to push. A few minutes passed & I said "Charlene, I can't do it!!!!" She called the resident doctor & I prayed out loud "God please let Dr Cacchio get here! Please God!!" After what seemed like hours, but was only actually 10-15 minutes, Dr Cacchio flies in the room & asks "are we ready to have this baby?!" She reassures me, "it's going to be great. It's not going to be like last time.. We aren't going to use forecepts.. Recovery will be better.." 

The "1st contraction hit" & Dr Cacchio asks "are we ready to push?!" I said "YES!" But as I was pushing, I felt like I completely forgot everything about birthing a baby! The nurse quickly coached me to hold behind my legs, take a couple deep breaths & push with my chin to your chest & hold your breath as you push. The first push Dr Cacchio excitedly says "oh I see some hair!!" Hearing that gave me some motivation for the next contraction & I told the nurses "I forget what to do!!" And they coached me through pushing again & I screamed because it hurt so bad & the pressure was crazy & the doctor reassured me, "She'll be out on the next one!!" My 3rd & final push I pushed with all my might & screamed as I felt the doctor pull her out & I saw her lift Story up and Story immediately screamed "waaahhhh wahhhh waaahhhh!!" 

Everyone in the room cried tears of joy & relief!!! They immediately put Story up on my chest & I wept, tears rolling like rain down my cheeks. She was still wailing but as I began to talk to her & tell her "it's okay, it's alright, momma's here" she immediately stopped crying, lifted her head up & looked up me! Nothing in the world compared to the pure rapture of that moment. I was able to kangaroo with her for an hour! 

It was an exhilarating, emotional, redemptive experience. Night and Day compared the the horrific birth
experience I had with my son Trust. I am truly grateful to have a happy experience to reference now, not just traumatic. 

Getting to know Story these past couple days has been so wonderful. She is delightful, content, quiet & so sweet! We are head over heels for her & are excited for this new chapter in our family's story. :)

Watch the amazing/emotional video slide show that Rachel Baransi made of the photos she took of Story's birth here:

https://vimeo.com/125292284

The Finish Line in Sight

This pregnancy has been the longest, hardest road I've ever had to walk down. Complications with Extreme Nausea & vomiting (Hyperemesis Gravdidarum), dehydration, weight loss, heart problems, crippling sciatic nerve pain & emotional upheaval.

  As I look back, I wonder, "How did I get so far?!" I'm 37 weeks pregnant & at my last OBGYN appointment my cervix was already 2cm dilated & 50% effaced. I think when my doctor told me that, something clicked in my head "I'm almost to the finish line! I get to hold my baby girl so very soon. The suffering is almost over!" I don't think I've really thought about how close I am because I've just been trying to take things one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. The greatest thing is knowing there is an end date for sure. No matter what I'll be induced on April 13th, but I'm hoping she comes sooner!!! The hope of the finish line pulls my focus away from all that I've been through behind me, to the joy that is coming ahead of me. I couldn't have gotten this far without the many prayers, support & love of my family, friends & church community! They have carried me most of this race, and couldn't finish this race without them!

Here is a video I made of my journey through pregnancy! Click on the YouTube link to watch it: http://youtu.be/1gn6sTd3cpI

The Heart of the Matter

A few weeks ago I found myself in the hospital for the 5th time.

I had been feeling increasingly short of breath & had an episode of walking through our church where I was gasping for air, had painful Braxton Hicks Contractions, felt like I was going to pass out & my heart was racing like I had run a marathon. I tried to blame normal pregnancy breathlessness, but that night while I was getting my PJ's on, I found myself gasping for air, head pounding & spinning & my arms & legs felt heavy. I checked my blood pressure & it was 122/84 higher than my usual low 110/? Range. I knew something wasn't right. I woke up the next morning feeling swollen & knew I needed to call my doctor. 

I talked to the nurse, & she told me to go into the hospital to get checked out. I cried when I got off the phone & talked to my husband Brett. I just couldn't handle going to the hospital one more time. 

When I got to the ER they looked at me (and my big belly) and asked how many weeks I was and sent me up to Labor & Delivery. 

In the triage area in labor and delivery they monitored my heart beat, took my blood pressure & did an EKG. Everything looked good enough & they sent me home & told me to follow up with my doctor to get an Echocardiogram (ultrasound) on my heart that week.

 I went into my doctor and I explained to her what I was feeling and she agreed I needed to get an echocardiogram because of my history with Cardiomyopathy & congestive heart failure from preeclampsia during my last pregnancy. They also tested my hemoglobin levels in case my iron was low, but everything looked good. She also mentioned watching my blood pressure closely & testing my blood for signs of preeclampsia in the coming weeks to make sure we are ahead of any possible problems.

That very same week I got my echocardiogram & the next Monday I saw my doctor & she told me the results. They came back as Mildly Low Ejection Fraction (heart is not pumping out blood to full capacity that your body needs) in my Left Ventricle, something to be aware of and watch, but not serious yet. That the stress of pregnancy is a lot on the heart & She urged me to take it SLOW the next couple weeks. I'll probably need to see a cardiologist after pregnancy just to make sure everything is still ok. I had to do that last pregnancy too when I had Cardiomyopathy. (Swelling and some damage to the heart) She just urged me to take it very slow and to monitor my heart rate and symptoms closely. She also told me that she'll probably induce me a week early, on April 13th to make sure she isn't too big & that I don't get preeclampsia like last time.

That same week I was experiencing CRIPPLING pain in my lower back and hips. One night my sweet husband had to almost carry me to the bathroom I was in so much pain. My hip kept giving out and I almost fell a couple of times. I cried the pain was so bad! 

I called my doctors office AGAIN and the nurse urged me to see a chiropractor that works a lot with pregnant women. I called the Chiropractor James Schramm and they were able to get me in THAT DAY. I was relived to say the least. He told me my hip was tightly pinching my sciatic nerve and after that 1st adjustment I already felt LOADS better! I actually slept through the night which was a miracle in itself. 

I've also had increasing Braxton Hicks Contractions that have been more intense and painful. One night I had 20+ contractions in 5-7 minute waves for 2 hours, that I swore I was going to have to go to the hospital. I drank 2 cans of carbonated water (my safe beverage) and laid on my left side and they started spacing out and calming down, luckily! I called my doctor and talked to the nurse again (they know me so well by now!! Haha!) and told her what had happened and she told me "if you are having more than 5 contractions an hour that don't go away when you drink and lay down, that you could be in labor." I told her I drank fluids and laid down and they went away & she told me to be careful and try to stay more hydrated. I told her it has been a struggle staying hydrated (b/c of nausea) but I've been pushing through it! Those contraction episodes have happened a couple of times, so I know my body is getting ready for the "big event", which is exciting, BUT I've got to keep her in there a little longer :)

It feels like there is a new mountain to climb every week (sometimes 2 or 3) but I know once I see that sweet baby girls face I will look back on everything and say "it was all worth it"!

Her "story" is certainly not boring one!

Pregnancy Joy's, conquering Fears & Struggles

My Hyperemesis Gravidarum symptoms have calmed down a bit, even though 1st thing in the morning I'm still gagging and throwing up most of the time & right before bed nausea keeps me awake!! BUT I am SO far from where I was. I'm able to do small things like move around, make food, take a shower, do tasks around the house, & more when a month or so ago I wouldn't be able to do any of those things without it ending in a vomiting fit. I'm still having trouble drinking straight water (makes me super nauseated!) so I've been drinking Carbonated waters, koolaide & chomping on ice like nobody's business! Haha!! Dehydration still creeps up on me because I just have trouble drinking a lot and even landed in the hospital after a fainting spell & heart palpitations from dehydration. It's a tricky balancing act, but at least I'm not vomiting a ton too! 

Even though I'm feeling better as far as HG goes, I have to remind myself to take it easy. After soooo long of not being able to do literally anything, I find myself trying to make up for so much lost time. I feel bad for all the pressure that was on my husband when I was down and out and have made sure to stay on top of house work, but realize my limitations also. A funny realization I've come to is I can't "fit" into our laundry room anymore! Haha! Like literally can't fit! It makes me laugh and feel grateful for my growing belly :) 

My nesting instinct is kicking into high gear too. Like I said after so long of being so sick, my motivation to get things done to get ready for Story is high!! We are getting her nursery in order, collecting diapers, organizing, getting rid of things and making space in our hearts & home for our new arrival. I am sooo excited!

I also have been trying to face some fears moving into the final days of pregnancy. I only have like 13 weeks left!!! Trying not to compare this pregnancy to my last.. 

For instance, last week I had some swelling in my feet and hands and immediately my mind jumped to last pregnancy when I had undiagnosed preeclampsia that turned almost deadly after I delivered my son, causing congestive heart failure and pulmonary failure from all the fluid around my heart and lungs. I panicked because one of my feet was completely numb on top, but then realized I needed to drink more fluids to get the excess fluid out of my system. And sure enough, the swelling went down within two days after drinking more. Like I said drinking liquids is still a struggle, but I've been trying to press through!

Another fear of mine that is mounting is delivery. I had such a traumatic delivery with my son Trust (everything that could go wrong did + years of recovery from the aftermath) that I wish I could just be knocked out and not have to experience any of it again. But I know Story has to come out one way or another which means staring my fear straight in the face, clinging onto the hope & joy of the end product, that sweet baby Girl I'm stir-crazy to meet!! You do crazy things for the people you love, and I love this girl more than any fear I could have. I know it's gonna be a struggle and I'm really grateful for the prayer & counseling I've been getting leading up to labor & delivery! Seriously, it'll be Jesus and Jesus strength alone that allows me to face the fears I have. But I know He is with me in this!! He's brought me this far and has given me joy and trust even in the darkest of moments. 

I talked to my doctor about my fears and she was VERY reassuring and is going to be on top of the possibility of preeclampsia and may also induce me early so that she won't be so big when I go to deliver. My son Trust was 2 weeks late and was GINORMOUS. She said she'll watch me closely the last few weeks leading up to delivery to stop any problems from happening again. So good to have a reassuring voice in this process!

On a happier note, I've been well enough to play music again. I hadn't touched my guitar in 6 months & got to play a Christmas house show with a Nashville singer/songwriter & harpist Timbre. It felt SO GOOD to be there and to play music again. I even led worship at the mom's group I'm apart of, leading worship at Fusion youth group & have 2 shows at the end of the month! It's good to be back in the saddle a bit. :)