Pregnancy Joy's, conquering Fears & Struggles

My Hyperemesis Gravidarum symptoms have calmed down a bit, even though 1st thing in the morning I'm still gagging and throwing up most of the time & right before bed nausea keeps me awake!! BUT I am SO far from where I was. I'm able to do small things like move around, make food, take a shower, do tasks around the house, & more when a month or so ago I wouldn't be able to do any of those things without it ending in a vomiting fit. I'm still having trouble drinking straight water (makes me super nauseated!) so I've been drinking Carbonated waters, koolaide & chomping on ice like nobody's business! Haha!! Dehydration still creeps up on me because I just have trouble drinking a lot and even landed in the hospital after a fainting spell & heart palpitations from dehydration. It's a tricky balancing act, but at least I'm not vomiting a ton too! 

Even though I'm feeling better as far as HG goes, I have to remind myself to take it easy. After soooo long of not being able to do literally anything, I find myself trying to make up for so much lost time. I feel bad for all the pressure that was on my husband when I was down and out and have made sure to stay on top of house work, but realize my limitations also. A funny realization I've come to is I can't "fit" into our laundry room anymore! Haha! Like literally can't fit! It makes me laugh and feel grateful for my growing belly :) 

My nesting instinct is kicking into high gear too. Like I said after so long of being so sick, my motivation to get things done to get ready for Story is high!! We are getting her nursery in order, collecting diapers, organizing, getting rid of things and making space in our hearts & home for our new arrival. I am sooo excited!

I also have been trying to face some fears moving into the final days of pregnancy. I only have like 13 weeks left!!! Trying not to compare this pregnancy to my last.. 

For instance, last week I had some swelling in my feet and hands and immediately my mind jumped to last pregnancy when I had undiagnosed preeclampsia that turned almost deadly after I delivered my son, causing congestive heart failure and pulmonary failure from all the fluid around my heart and lungs. I panicked because one of my feet was completely numb on top, but then realized I needed to drink more fluids to get the excess fluid out of my system. And sure enough, the swelling went down within two days after drinking more. Like I said drinking liquids is still a struggle, but I've been trying to press through!

Another fear of mine that is mounting is delivery. I had such a traumatic delivery with my son Trust (everything that could go wrong did + years of recovery from the aftermath) that I wish I could just be knocked out and not have to experience any of it again. But I know Story has to come out one way or another which means staring my fear straight in the face, clinging onto the hope & joy of the end product, that sweet baby Girl I'm stir-crazy to meet!! You do crazy things for the people you love, and I love this girl more than any fear I could have. I know it's gonna be a struggle and I'm really grateful for the prayer & counseling I've been getting leading up to labor & delivery! Seriously, it'll be Jesus and Jesus strength alone that allows me to face the fears I have. But I know He is with me in this!! He's brought me this far and has given me joy and trust even in the darkest of moments. 

I talked to my doctor about my fears and she was VERY reassuring and is going to be on top of the possibility of preeclampsia and may also induce me early so that she won't be so big when I go to deliver. My son Trust was 2 weeks late and was GINORMOUS. She said she'll watch me closely the last few weeks leading up to delivery to stop any problems from happening again. So good to have a reassuring voice in this process!

On a happier note, I've been well enough to play music again. I hadn't touched my guitar in 6 months & got to play a Christmas house show with a Nashville singer/songwriter & harpist Timbre. It felt SO GOOD to be there and to play music again. I even led worship at the mom's group I'm apart of, leading worship at Fusion youth group & have 2 shows at the end of the month! It's good to be back in the saddle a bit. :)