I miscarried my Daughter Lily on Easter Sunday 2008. Lily left such in imprint on my life that I want to share her story and the continuing "Story of Trust" I have been processing through.
Through many complications and near death experiences my son Trust Emmanuel was born June, 22nd 2010. Trust is a miracle through and through, but the hurt and trauma of his birth and recovery have been more than I could handle on my own.
I am writing this blog to reach out to mom's who've lost a child, or have had a traumatic birth experience. I am realizing there are not many resources out there to help process and work through these TOUGH issues.
I want to give mom's who feel alone and scared a voice and place of support. We NEED each other. We need JESUS to heal our scars. PLEASE contact me with your story... If you are ok with me sharing on this blog, let me know! I am realizing God can use our stories to help others, and it is so important to share our stories so we know that we aren't alone in this.
This is an amazing song written by JJ Heller, a Christian Singer/Songwriter. She Wrote this song after hearing about the story of precious Olivianna, baby who died at birth. I have had it on repeat these past 2 days. It is very hopeful!
When your heart stopped beating
I don't Know if mine will ever stop bleeding
Eleven minutes...
To breathe you in
I felt the darkness
When I knew I couldn't hold you again
When I knew I couldn't hold you again
Olivianna, you're in the arms of God
Just a moment there is better than here
Life is short but it is wide
I know it's true
You touched more souls
Than most people ever do
Olivianna, you're in the arms of God
Just a moment there is better than here
You could not stay with us (echoed)
We will come to you (echoed)
You could not stay with us (echoed)
Oh oh oh oh
You're going home love
Where you belong
Oh my baby, girl
I'll see you soon
Olivianna, you're in the arms of God
Just a moment there is better than here
Olivianna, you're in the arms of God
Just a moment there is better than here
Heather, This is an amazing idea that has needed to be done for so long. I haven't shared my story in so long. I really haven't known too many who have been through what I have and would love to know others, so I don't feel alone. In 1995, I got pregnant. January 1996 I went for an ultra sound completely excited to find out the sex of the baby. My doctor had a grave look and sent us to the hospital for a level two ultra sound. The doctors said it was a girl, but she would not live. They said her brain and skull had not developed. They told me an abortion would be the best solution for me and the baby. I could not see what they saw on the screen and being a cocky teen I said no way, I’m going to let her live as long as God will allow it. For the next several months I went to the ob. At each ultra sound, I ask, is she still alive, the answer was yes, each time. My due date was May 25th. I made it till then and she was still alive. They let me stay pregnant longer. On June 24th I was admitted to the hospital because they said I couldn’t stay pregnant any longer. They started pitocin. June 25th she was born. No doctor was there just a nurse, they were not ready. She was born with what is called Anencephaly. She was missing the back of her brain and skull. I had them take her and dress her in an adorable little outfit and place a bonnet on her head. When they laid her in my arms she was so beautiful. She lived for 13hrs. June 26th, 1996 Taylor Nicole Zartman-Stephens when to be with Jesus. It was so sad yet Jesus brought an amazing peace over our family. I still have the pain, even after all these years. I am so thankful for the 13 hrs I had with her. Since Taylor was born, every other child I have been pregnant with has died. I am thankful to have 4 living children out of 10 pregnancies. I really don’t know how people go through hardships without having Christ to lean on.
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Renee... you are an absolute inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I cannot imagine going through all you have been through and the courage of sticking up for Taylor.. just amazing.
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