The Valleys and Hills of HG

The Valleys and Hills of Hyperemesis Gravidarum are treacherous. 

Last week I was in an incredible Valley. I was unable to move without throwing up, seeing a number on the scale that should be creeping up, but instead watching it plummet down. Constipation so bad I am crying because I feel like I'm passing boulders + the cramping makes me throw up.. Battle wounds, like mougles on my stomach from the many sites where my husband sticks me with a needle that is connected to the pump that continuously gives me medicine. My doctor told me if I continued on this path, I would be admitted to the hospital this week because I am already on the pump "The Big Guns" as he called it, and not doing well. He prescribed me ANOTHER medicine to try Diclegis to see if it would help and had me schedule an appointment with him the following week to see if I needed admitted to the hospital. 

My doctor gave me IV fluids in the office that day to get me through the day. The nurse had trouble finding my veins because of the dehydration and the only thing I ate that day was a small bag of potato chips. I tried not to cry as the bag of fluids got into my system.. 

The picture Above is only 2 days in with the pump. The sites are super painful and itchy. I am almost 2 weeks in now, so picture this only x4! 

We reevaluated our lives again and we decided I absolutely could NOT take care of Trust without full time support. Every time I got up to get Trust a drink or snack I ended up throwing up and got worse as the week wore on. I couldn't do another week like that without being in serious trouble.

My family were on vacation, sick or couldn't help, so we tapped into our amazing community of friends to help us out. Trust had so much fun and I was able to stay put and keep food down, FINALLY!

 I am now climbing the hill out of the valley. I had my weekly check in with my doctor to follow my progress and he looked at me and said you look much better! I told him I felt a lot better and took his advice to get help and stay still all week and it really helped. He told me to keep on this progress and to come back next week to make sure I don't sink back into another valley. He also suggested I take a motion sickness medication to see if it would help me get around better. 

The hardest thing about HG is the constant ups and downs. From one moment to the next it feels like things are getting better then the next I'm crying over my puke bucket, unable to breathe from violent boughts of vomiting. 

I'm struggling hard with the isolation of this condition as well. Although I want to see and talk to people, I literally can't talk on the phone or to people in person without feeling like I am going to throw up. Plus it's very embarrassing to throw up in front of people especially if it's a really intense moment where I throw up so violently I pee my pants. Yeah, I know ugly, right? 

It took me a LONG time after having Trust last time before I could reengage with people again. Plus, when you are going through something so hard and severe it is hard to relate to people or to not feel like a weird-o. 

I'm really being honest here! I know that it's not all for nothing. I see that even now.. This week alone I've heard from 5 momma's with HG & severe morning sickness that have told me "because of your honesty, It makes me realize I'm not alone!" To me, just knowing that I'm not the only one, that I'm not weird or whatever gives me so much hope to press forward. PLUS! There is an amazing gift at the end of all of this.. A Sweet, beautiful baby!!! Holding fast to Hope even amidst such suffering is all we can do in the meantime.