Sooo the last 3 days I've been spiraling down to that place where when you get there, nothing you do at home will help.
Dehydration is one of the big concerns when you have a pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, so I called my nurse to see if I could come into the office to get some IV's before things got any worse. Unfortunately, there was no one at the office that could adminster the IV so they sent me to the ER to get hydrated. I wrestled for a minute weighing the pros and cons and decided it was something I needed to do to get back on track before things got to a bad place.
We waited for a long time (like 2 hours!) in the waiting room and I was holding back the urge to puke because I have a big anxiety about throwing up in front of people, but knowing that with HG you can't always hold it back. So I held tightly to my puke bag and tried to breathe deeply.
We got to the room and it was a long process to get blood work done, then finally get the anti nausea medicine I desperately needed + 2 bags of fluids and 1 bag of fluids & dextrose. By the time the 1st bag got into my system + the Zofran for nausea, I was feeling a glimpse of relief and hope! My friend Maggie made us some Amazing soup and her hubby Austin brought it out to us and I was able to actually enjoy what I was eating without gagging and retching. I smiled really big and turned to my husband Brett and said "I feel happy." I haven't felt that relief and happiness for a long time now. It was a wonderful glimpse of goodness. I wish I could have that kind of care all day long!
I told Brett I've been feeling like Frodo at the end of Lord of the Rings when he is talking to Sam after they had suffered much on their long journey, when he says: "I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass." The simple joys and good things get lost in the misery of everyday and after suffering much it's hard to believe things could be normal and good again.
Being only 11 weeks is a scary place to be in with all of this madness. I know all too well the risk of miscarriage is highest in the 1st trimester and when the nurse did the Doppler to try to find the heart beat, she couldn't find it. She explained to me that this early it's tricky to find a heart beat since the babe is so small, But I couldn't help but feel that desperation rise up in me to want to keep trying. You see I was about 11-12 weeks pregnant with my 1st pregnancy and my doctor couldn't find a heart beat and found out my babe died in my womb. I know being so sick is a good indication that everything is ok, but man it is still scary!! I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I'm hoping to find some peace of mind then. Ugh, it is not easy being a parent! 😩
Despite all of this craziness, I have been fighting my hardest to eat even when I throw up, then eat to replace what I threw up, and on and on. It takes a lot of stubbornness to keep this cycle going and I am pretty stubborn! I think that is what has helped me this time around. :)
I am 12 weeks this week and see my doctor on Tuesday. I'm hoping the fluids I received today will carry me through until then.
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