Tips for surviving Hyperemesis Gravadium

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I wrote this post after having my son Trust, and now I find myself referencing this post again as I'm 10 weeks pregnant and have extreme nausea and vomiting or Hyperemesis Gravadium again. I've picked up some new tricks along the way that I wanted to add to my list of helpful tricks for surviving Hyperemesis Gravadium :)

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I had one of the WORST Pregnancy experiences known to women. 

After about a week of being pregnant I got EXTREME "Morning Sickness" or as I would call it "All Morning, Noon and Night Sickness". I couldn't see light, smell scents, see movement, hear noises, put anything in my mouth, move my body, etc without violently throwing up. It got to the point where my body was so starved and dehydrated I had to have home care and special IV nausea Medication that they give to Cancer Patients. The Doctors soon found out I had a rare condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. It's just a Lofty term for extreme nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. Below are some tips I got from my Home Care Nurses at Alere that literally saved my life. I have given them to MANY of my pregnant friends too! 

YOU CAN DO THIS. It may be the hardest thing you've ever had to fight for, but in the end you get an amazing gift!

Tips for Nausea from my Home Care Nurse (& 2nd time with Hyperemesis.)

-keep a mixing bowl or big chip bowl with you in case you need to vomit. Having something with me at all times alleviates my stress about making it to the toilet in time. Plus the smells in the bathroom and makes things worse.

-Prenatal vitamins can increase your nausea, while feeling sick try flintstone or chewable vitamins!

-smelling essential oils like lemon & peppermint can help with nausea! (Peppermint under my nose helps with random smells that make me throw up)

-keep a buffet of snacks & drinks with you at all times. :)

-Eat small, frequent meals. (EVERY 2 HOURS) Too much food on your stomach can make you sick. Lots of snacks! Bananas, Pretzels, teddy grahams, mashed potatoes, canned fruit and dry cereals are good. I ate a lot of boxed breakfast cereals and it got me through.

-Smoothies!!! Have banana be the main ingredient and add protein powder (I use rice protein) + rice or soy milk (dairy is hard to digest) + whatever fruit sounds good. Try to avoid acidic fruits. Maybe even add peanut butter for protien if you can stomach it! 

-choose BLAND foods! Starches are the best.

-No intense flavors like garlic, terryaki, onion, NO acidic things like tomato sauce, certain acidic fruits like orange.

-Be careful with dairy (Dairy is hard to digest) and meat (NO RED MEAT! It sits in your stomach for 24 hours and is hard to digest)

-COLD Fluids- Carbonated water like LaCroix, Dasani Sparkling, Suck on Ice, Drink Gatorade (balance gatorade w/other liquids), slushies, strawberry or raspberry Lemonade, Hawaiian Punch, Kool-aide, ginger ale, sprite, and popsicles instead of water. Also add Ice to whatever you drink! It helps for some reason! Straight Water sits in your stomach and can make you feel nauseated.

Easily Digested Carbohydrates:
-Saltines or other low fat crackers
-Graham crackers
-Bread or toast, white or wheat
-Plain Bagels, English Muffins
-Pretzels
-Vanilla wafers, angel food cake
-Ginger Snaps
-Rice, Noodles
-Baked Potato, Mashed Potato
-Cream of Wheat, Oatmeal, Grits
-Dry cereals (lucky charms is my fave)
-Canned peaches/pears, applesauce
-Ripe Bananas

-Muffins have helped me a lot this time around!

-chew on some beef jerky for protein. (if you can stomach it!) my doc suggested this but I couldn't do it 😖

-Drink Ensure if you can't do prenatal vitamins to supplement my diet with some vitamins. It has lots of good stuff in it! Like protein and folic acid.

-Keep snacks by your bed at night and munch on them if you wake up in the middle of the night, or for in the morning right when you wake up, it helps!

-lay still throughout the day, movement can make you even more sick.

-Take naps! The more tired you get the worse your nausea can get.

-If toothpaste makes you sick try brushing with just water or baking soda.

-Don't lay down right after eating, it can cause acid reflux!

-Stay away from strong smells like Cooking (someone else might have to cook and tell them to turn the fan on and open a window), cleaning products and perfumes.

-watch lots of movies, Get Netflix & watch tv series like: Pretty Little Liars, Gilmore Girls (coming to Netflix October 2014), or ones your hubby hates watching with you :)

-Find the perfect combination of medications that works for you. I switched medications MANY times until I found the winning combo. One of the keys for me was taking Pepcid to help with acid reflux. I ended up getting so sick both pregnancies that I ended up being on the Zofran Pump + Diclegis as well. Those plus Pepcid & a stool softener changed the Hyperemesis game for me! I was starting to be able to eat again in small portions & not AS dehydrated.

**You may lose some weight in the beginning because of being so sick. Don't worry! Your baby is NOT effected. They are feeding off of YOUR nutrients supply stored up in your body, so you are really the one that the doctors are worrying about in the beginning. Plus your baby is so tiny, they don't need much! 

**Just be careful with Dehydration! If you are dizzy, have dry mouth, have low urine output and have been unable to drink or have been throwing up everything you've been drinking you'll need to get IV Fluids at the ER! Dehydration is serious for you and your baby. 

**Be talking with your doctor about how bad your sickness is! There is a lot they can do! They can prescribe Anti Nausea Meds that are safe and they can prescribe Home Care where you can be monitored by nurses over the phone & get Meds through a medicine pump you stick in your leg if you can't take meds by mouth.

*** if you are vomiting for 24 hours and unable to drink or eat, Call your nurses at your doctors office and GO TO THE ER. The ER will give you fluids and anti nausea medicine through IV that will help you from spiraling down and being able to take care of yourself. Depending on how badly dehydrated you are, they may admit you to keep fluids in you! I went to the ER this week and got the fluids I needed and I have felt much better the past 2 days! (I'm still nauseated but able to maintain on my own with meds) 

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If you have ANY questions please feel free to ask me! Or if you need emotional support I'd love to be a listening ear too. 

My email is: storyoftrust@gmail.com 

My trip the ER with Hyperemesis

Yesterday, I was fighting really hard against severe nausea & vomiting, but I decided to finally surrender and call my doctor (again). I was almost in tears at the defeat, beacause I knew what they would tell me on the other end of the phone. I explained I only sipped 8oz of fluids that day and threw up most of what I drank so the nurse told me "Go strait to the ER and we will send an order for fluids and medicine. Follow up with us tomorrow and we might have to start you on the Zofran pump." 

I sat up to call my husband Brett and started throwing up whatever remnants of fluid were left in my system. 

We made plans for my sister and mom to hang out with our sweet 4 year old, and headed to the hospital. I held back tears in the car as we listened to the song "Come as You Are" By David Crowder. The lyrics hit home:

"Come out of sadness from wherever you’ve been, Come broken hearted let rescue begin, Come find your mercy, Oh sinner come kneel

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal, Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal

So lay down your burdens, lay down your shame
All who are broken, lift up your face
Oh wanderer come home, You’re not too far
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart

Come as you are"

We got to the hospital and there was NO WAIT in the waiting room! Which is absolutely unheard of in my experience. One of my fears is throwing up in front of people so the idea of sitting in a waiting room with my big bright red chip bowl, made my anxieties rise, but I never had to experience any of that since we got right in! 

All my nurses and doctors were super nice and listened to me. With my past pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravadium, I was a lot more timid and unsure of what I was feeling, but this time around I knew what to say and what meds I do well with. 

They gave me 3 bags of liquids through an IV and anti nausea meds that helped a bit, but not fully with the nausea. The doctor gave me the choice to go home and follow up with my doctor in the morning or stay and be admitted. After 5 hoursin the ER, I was ready to go home and try my luck. At my discharge they gave me an official diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravadium. 

I went straight to bed, stomach in knots, but I knew sleep was the only place I wouldn't experience the nausea, so I tried to relax and get some rest. 

As I'm fighting this good fight of bringing a life into this world, I know that I am going to get some "battle scars" along the way. I wrote a song titled "Battle Scars" that talks about how we all get wounded, but that our battle scars will heal as we press into God. As they heal I'm hoping to help others going through something similar. I also think it's cool that Jesus keeps his scars from the cross. To remind US of what He did for us. There is power in scars. They remind us of what we've been through and not to forget!

Watch/Listen to "Battle Scars" here:

http://youtu.be/zvwAtKFj3pw

A heartbeat of hope

On Tuesday I saw my new doctor for the first time and had my first ultrasound! 

I liked her right away. She looked down at the bright red bowl in my hand and said "not feeling so good these days?" To which I answered "not at all". I grasped tightly to my bowl, uncertain how much longer I could hold down my partially eaten lunch. 

I leaned back and looked over to the black and white ultrasound screen, when I saw it! A cute little bean with a racing heartbeat on the screen. He/she even moved around a bit for us! My eyes watered up and I couldn't stop smiling. This was the hope I needed to keep going. 

My doc upped my meds and prescribed a dissolvable tablet for me to take. 

That night and the next day started a not so fun trend of throwing up every time I got up. (7 or more times, I lost count) I couldn't keep anything down so I called the nurses at my doctors office. They prescribed me a new medicine + an anti acid. I took the new medicine that night and it knocked me out. The next day I took it first thing in the AM (I have a window of 10 min in the morning where I feel ok) and I felt like a zombie, in and out of sleep unable to keep my eyes open long. I think it helped my nausea and vomiting, not because it actually helps but because you sleep most of the time. 

My son is 4 and he was happy playing Legos and watching lots of cartoons. He is such a great independent player and knows where his snacks and drinks are and helps himself! He is such a good boy. I don't know how some momma's do it with young-ins. 

I am struggling this morning. Brett got me a bowl of cereal that I threw up shortly after because I got up to get my medicine. I am unable to move currently, remaining as still as possible, trying to keep it together. I'm not sure what to do from here. How can I take a shower, take care of Trust, eat, go to the bathroom without throwing up? I haven't showered for 3 days did I mention that? I haven't eaten a full meal in... I'm not sure how long. I can't smell food cooking without gagging and retching. My legs are like noodles. My eyes are bloodshot...

I'm praying constantly. "God help. Get me through these next 2 days, 2hours, 2 minutes. Keep this baby strong. Help me to be strong." On and on and on.. But When I saw that little glimmer of hope in that heartbeat on the ultra sound, I knew God has given me all that I need to get through this. That sometimes life is a struggle. You aren't always going to be happy. There are parts in this journey that are hard and that is ok. I love how God sprinkles those little breadcrumbs of hope along the way. To keep us going, to help us not lose sight of what we are fighting for. 

Hours feel like days, days feel like an eternity

I'm 9 weeks pregnant today HORAAY! 

It's 5:30am and I am awake and my stomach betrays me when I get up to get a glass of water to take my anti nausea meds. As I'm retching over the kitchen sink I'm crying, and crying out to God "get me through this!! Make me brave!! I seriously can't do this, but I'm Trusting you to make me strong enough." I'm pounding the counter frustrated at my body being stronger than my will. 

Yesterday started miserably and I was hoping today would offer the relief I needed. Yesterday I threw up EVERYTIME I got out of bed. I was in good spirits at the beginning of the day making jokes with my mom about how I was only going to eat things that taste good coming back up, but by the end of the day my body ached from retching,  shaking and I felt weary. Hours feel like Days, days feel like an eternity. It's tourtureous.

It's been a slow fade. From what I read, 8-10 weeks is when your body produces the most hormones and when sickness is at it's worst and when  hyperemesis gravidarum starts to kick up. 

I've been holding out because tomorrow is when I see my doctor and will hopefully start making some hard choices about treatment. I was on a medicine pump last time that made it so I could function better even though it didn't fully take away the persistent, always there, nausea. 

More than getting the help I desperately need, I can't wait to see my sweet babe on the ultrasound. It's REALLY HARD to believe that I am pregnant at this point. It feels more like I'm undergoing cancer treatments & dying instead of carrying a precious baby. So when I see that hope appear on the ultrasound screen, I will gain a bit more strength that I need to get through this...Living motivation that there is goodness on the other side of suffering.  

Flash backs, confronting fear, trusting God.

This morning I woke up terribly sick to my stomach, with the room spinning. When I got up to use the restroom, I took my trusty puke bowl with me. I retched and cried into my old familiar friend, flashing back to my last pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum. I got back in bed and didn't move for a long time, the room still spinning about. My husband came in to check on me and I just cried and cried saying "I can't do this again! I'm not strong enough! I have to take care of Trust now too!" He reassued me it would be okay, but panic was settling in. 

I had JUST talked and prayed with a friend the night before about how being pregnant again was bringing up a LOT of past fears and memories.. It's never easy to dig up hard things, and no matter how much I've tried to say "every pregnancy is different, stop thinking about last time!" I get tense, bracing myself for what "could" be. 

My husband worked from home and went in around 1pm and my mom came shortly after he left. She had the same look of panic on her face too. Memories clouding her vacant motions of tidying up my house. She saw me through the roughest, toughest, near death nights. She understands. She is so selfless, but it's not easy for her..

I called my nurse and never heard anything back, and around 2pm the dizziness subsided. I can almost be sure it was Vertigo that I was experiencing this morning (increased progesterone and sinus issue most likely to blame). I was able to sit with my son and snuggle for a bit. 

I'm honestly hoping this morning was a fluke. I'm still feeling quite nauseated but not to the extreme I experienced this morning. 

In a way I'm glad I had an honest moment and breakdown of how I was REALLY feeling. It freed me up in a sense and I know it's OK not to be "strong" but to lean on the One who can carry me through this, who is strong when I am weak. Jesus says "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.." I think the kind of rest he's talking about is rest from worry and trying to control what we can't control. I'm trying my best to REST. Truly rest through all of the flash backs, fears, worries etc. I am learning to TRUST again that He is WITH me through all of this and worship Him even when the outcome isn't what I want. 

Trusting God with Baby #2

Anyone that knows me knows pregnancy is not my thing. Not because I don't love children (I LOVE KIDS SO MUCH!), but because my last 2 pregnancies did not go so well. 

My 1st pregnancy started out well and ended tragically in a miscarriage on Easter Sunday 2008. My second pregnancy with my son Trust was one of the worst and hardest experiences of my life starting with life threatening Hyperemesis Gravadium (extreme nausea and vomiting) and ending with pre eclampsia, congestive heart failure and years of recovery from digestional issues and thyroid problems. I basically ruled pregnancy out and said "it'd have to be a miracle for me to ever get pregnant again."

Well that miracle has happened! Hahaha! I laugh because that's all I can do, right?! 

I knew something was up before I took the test because my love for coffee turned to a disgust for the taste. This is a major indication for me something is wrong, amongst other symptoms. I took a pregnancy test the day before we went to our churches Middle School summer camp. It was one of the blue tests where you get a blue plus sign if you are pregnant and there was a very faint blue line making a plus symbol on the test, so I thought there was an error and went off to camp. 

At camp my stomach was sick a lot but I didn't think anything of it because camp food is just BAD. Haha! I was also supposed to start my period at camp, but nothing happened. I thought it was a stroke of good luck, but when I got home I took the other pregnancy test in the box only this time the plus was very evident. I kind of felt happy and dread mix together and asked Brett to get a digital clear blue test to check the results. And sure enough, the test read "Pregnant". 

Me and my husband Brett didn't get a wink of sleep that night.. All I could think about was the possible impending sickness that debilitated me so severely during my pregnancy with Trust, or the thought of losing this baby like my 1st pregnancy. 

I called my doctor on Friday and didn't hear anything back until Monday which made me even more nervous! The nurse had me come in that day for blood work and prescribed me Progesterone (a hormone that helps you not miscarry). I was glad they were on top of it, but I'm anxious to hear back about the blood test! 

Me and my husband Brett have had lots of discussions about baby #2 and made a "disaster prep plan" in case I get sick again. Meal plans, care needs and big priority, putting a TV in our room. Haha!! My husband is the greatest. The same night we talked about it, he hung up the big flat screen TV he had just gotten for $50 at the church and got a Roku so I can watch Netflix. :)

I made a decision to take this pregnancy one step at a time. Like my pastor says walking out faith is "left foot, right foot" and over time you'll see how far you've come but it doesn't happen overnight. So that's what I'm doing every day, hard or not, left foot right foot. Trusting God even when I can't see, leaning into His arms.

At camp we sang the song Oceans and it has never meant more to me than it does now. Especially "you call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail, and there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep, my faith will stand." 

God doesn't always call us to what is easy or even what we understand, but we will find Him in it. 

"Songs for Healing" EP- Stories Behind the Songs

I'm so happy to announce the "Songs for Healing" EP is up on iTunes, CD Baby & More.

Listen & buy it here:
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/heatherevans4

I'm happy not just because I think it is one of the most beautiful projects I've gotten to do sonically (BIG thanks to Chris Gatton for recording and doing the instrumentation!), but also what each song means to me personally and to the many others who listen to it and relate to it.

This EP is intended for people who have lost a child, but I'm realizing it's reaching beyond that.. That if you've experienced the depths of depression, the unsureness of your identity after losing something or the feeling of hope just out of reach, you will definitely relate to this EP as well. :)

The reason behind this EP is simple. My husband and I lost our 1st baby, Lily on Easter Sunday, 5 years ago at 12-13 weeks. A gap was left in our heart, hope of having a child was just out of our reach and I turned to music to help ease my pain. As I looked I couldn't find much that fit my "style" or said what I wanted to say. It was frustrating. So I started to write my feelings out, guitar in hand, and what I came up with was over 10 songs that were my gateway to healing. I wasn't sure if they would go anywhere, until my counselor requested my songs for a woman who lost 4 children. Seeing her reaction to the songs made me realize I couldn't just keep them for myself, other people needed these songs for healing. :)

So here we go. The reasons behind the songs.

1.) The Wall
I wrote "The Wall" in 15 minutes or less in the attic of an old Monastery turned into a retreat center in Cincinnati, Ohio. I was pouring out my heart full of insecurities to God in the form of a song telling Him "I can't do this". Struggling with the crippling depression and unsureness of who I am now, hardened and scarred with losses.. Putting up walls against people and God because of those hurts. As I was writing the song dwelling on the hurt, I got to the 3rd verse that says "There's a love that's opening my eyes, there's a peace that's casting out my fears, there's a joy I cannot hide, when you tell me I can do this, you tell me I can do this!" Then the 2nd chorus says "Cuz you come tell me have faith in what you can't see, when I'm too focused on, the things that try to break me, and you come sweetly and I'm so humbled, oh God you love me, you bring life back to these eyes.." It was like a turning point. Like God was speaking to me personally and shifting the focus in my life back to Him instead of the pain.

2.) Heaven Come Soon
I wrote "Heaven Come Soon" in my favorite writing spot, my attic. I was thinking about a vision I had while in counseling of seeing Lily, my daughter. It was an emotional moment where I saw the most clear picture of her holding the hand of Jesus, when she turned back and waved at me. Her hair was long and blonde and her eyes were bright blue like my sons. (I am crying now just thinking about it!!) The song is all about longing to see her sweet face again, but knowing that I'm caught in the tension of the "now" and the "not yet". The "now" is the waiting, the pain, where death still happens.. The "not yet" is the hope of Jesus making all things new with no more death, tears, pain. Where I'll see Lily and Jesus face to face and things will be made right. It's a hard place to be when you've lost someone, but hopeful because you know this isn't the end. I hesitated putting it on this EP, but decided even though it hurt, it would hopefully help someone who needed it.

3.) Let it Go (The Balloon Song)
I wrote "Let it Go (The Balloon Song)" in my attic also. Actually, a friend of mine was making a video for an organization and asked if I had any instrumental songs she could use. I didn't have any, but I thought I'd give a shot at writing one. :) She wanted it to be hopeful, so I placed my fingers on the strings and started with a very hopeful verse into sort of a pensive chorus, then later went back and recorded some lead parts over the main chords and sent it off. As I started recording this project with Chris Gatton, I told him about the instrumental song and he recorded all the parts on guitar & added some piano. When I heard what he did, I felt really inspired! He told me the song reminded him of a balloon floating away and as the song played through on the speakers, I told him I heard the words "Let it go" then he chimed in with "Time to let it go" and we repeated that back and forth. I'm so glad it morphed into what it is! It is my 1st instrumental song and I'm so glad it's on this EP. It is a good break for the listener to just process and cry or shout or add their own words. :)

4.) Deeper Still
I wrote "Deeper Still" on Easter Sunday (the day we lost our babe) 2 years ago.  I had heard a quote earlier that day by Corrie Ten Boom that says "No matter how deep the pit, God is deeper still." It stuck with me all day. I was at my parents house and my son Trust was taking a nap, so I slipped away to the spare bedroom with my guitar and started to sing. Thinking of God, who He is, as big enough to handle my pain and grief. That no matter how big the pit of grief I had dug myself into, He was big enough to pull me up out of it. To turn my pain around and give me a purpose in that pain. Sure enough, I am seeing that come around.

5.) Hope in a Bottle
I wrote "Hope in a Bottle" in my Kitchen. It gets SUPER hot in my attic in the Summer so my writing/playing space turns into the kitchen during that time of the year. I couldn't come up with the 2nd verse so I had Chris Gatton help me with it, which turned out great because of that. I was thinking about after we lost our baby Lily, a lot of things were unsure. The hope we had of having a child disintegrated, unsure if we could carry a child to term. I had to come to a point of standing on the shoreline of my hopes and fears and give them to God. That I had no control of them, but God did. So the whole song is a picture of me putting my hopes in a bottle and throwing them out to the treacherous waves of the ocean that only God controls, watching helplessly as they go farther out of my reach. Luckily for my, hope of a baby did come back around to me, but it definitely wasn't easy.